The trouble with
many definitions for any given object or idea is the subjective nature of every
individual who performs the defining; each human has a different experience. Marriage is a suitable example. An arranged marriage forced by parents
can seem like a nightmare to a young girl who has no desire to become attached
to a partner for a lifetime. In
many modern Western societies, marriage can be viewed by some individuals as an
ultimate goal in the pursuit of happiness and fulfillment. To turn a blind eye away from the truth
that marriage has undergone numerous definitional shifts would hinder the
possibility for a progression of marriage and a more egalitarian society. Constant work has to be done in
order to respect contradicting viewpoints. This essay proposes that religious implications on the
institution of marriage should be clearly and definitely detached from secular
individuals and politics in order to promote an equal governmental system and
respectful discourse.
First,
a brief history of marriage will be given. The author of Marriage, a History, Stephanie Coontz, is the director of Research and
Public Education at the Council on Contemporary Families. She spends several hundred pages
revealing a basic history on marriage while exposing some misleading
ideologies. Prehistorically, Coontz
states, “hunting and gathering societies throughout history have emphasized
sharing and reciprocity” (39).
Before marriage became a specialized partnership that benefited personal
interests, individuals who coupled had a necessary commitment to the group as a
whole. Marriage then shifted to a
political tool where governmental ties and international relationships could be
established. However, Christianity
brought a new perspective.
Marriage became secondary to preparing oneself for the coming of God. During the Medieval Ages in Europe,
Coontz states, “The importance of marriage in creating a viable household
economic unit meant that free peasants…were very anxious to get properly
married” (111). Marriages during
this time were primarily for economic purposes, not for love and fulfillment. The Catholic Church infused marital
norms onto the general public, and public scolding happened to anyone who
rejected them. Until the
seventeenth century, families were seen as a small-scale monarchy with the
husband acting as king. Next, men
were ultimately seen as the breadwinner of the family, and the women were seen
as the housekeepers. Coontz
states, “Women who were unable to be full-time wives and mothers were often
labeled moral degenerates” (169).
Victorian marriage brought a new radical perspective towards marriage,
one that focused on personal satisfaction, romantic love, and obligations. There was then a shift “from sentimental
to sexual marriage,” but too much sex was seen as immoral by society during the
early twentieth century (196). The
1950’s brought a unique perspective where men and women had the opportunity to
court their own mates more than ever before. Coontz declares, “The cultural consensus that everyone
should marry and form a male breadwinner was like a steamroller that crushed
every alternative view” (229).
This period is from where the term “traditional marriage” modernly
originates. A backlash from women
due to suppressive and demeaning ideologies led to the demise of this era. This current era has been continually
trying to collectively find what marriage is and who can enter into a marital
relationship. A high divorce rate
has been an issue in modern marriages with a national divorce rate of “9.2
divorces per 1,000 men and 9.7 divorces per 1,000 women” (Samuel 3).
Moving
along, the first feminist perspective will be from Margaret Denike in an
article entitled “Religion, Rights and Relationships: The Dream of Relational
Equality.” Denike states, “Conservative
rhetoric over the marriage question has given rise to debates that construe a
mythic conflict between competing rights…as if individuals’ freedom of conscience
collided with others’ entitlement to marry” (73).
The “mythic conflict” Denike
mentions is the idea of many conservatives that their right to marry, or the
marriage definition, will be compromised if the state extends legality to
non-religious groups, especially to homosexuals. However, equality rights backed by the Constitution will be
widely accepted by members of society because it legally outlaws prejudices.
The
second feminist perspective is from an article entitled, “The Unhappy Marriage
of Religion and Politics,” written by Shahra Razavi and Anne Jenichen. The authors state,
“The relationship
[between religion and politics] needs to be viewed through the lens of individual
rights and needs, rather than assuming that
individuals’ interests are simply represented by…religious as well as political
leaders and spokespersons” (835).
This quote is tremendously
important for the argument of freedom of choice in marriage because it displays
the necessary relationship between church and state. By letting religious individuals be religious and letting
the non-religious be secular, respectful discourse can be made without coercing
one side to behave in a certain manner.
The
third and final feminist perspective derives from an article written by Ms.
Magazine blogger David Dismore. Dismore declares,
“The once-radical
idea of ‘equal marriage’ between husbands and wives in considered ‘traditional’
because that’s what many assume was always the case. But it was a feminist idea about equality…that forced this
substantial redefinition of marriage” (13).
Dismore stresses the fact that past
conflicts for equality usually evolve into the modern societal norms. “Traditionalists” are holding onto an
ideology that builds walls between fellow citizens and prohibits understanding
and progression for a civil society.
Marriage
history and accounts given from reputable sources agree with a proposal for a
separation between religion and state in regards to marriage laws. The United States government is not a
theocracy, so the laws that are put in place should not reflect one religion
exclusively. A complete separation
between the church and state will benefit the society as a whole. Allowing civil unions between
non-religious individuals will not take away freedoms from religious
institutions. Marriage doesn’t
have to be completely redefined because a new definition can be added for a
different group of citizens.
When
specific values are forced from one side to the other, disagreements arise and
deep harm can be done. The way to
reach respectful dialogue about certain beliefs can be found through an
acceptance of a person’s own free will.
Biblical scholar and Anglican bishop N.T. Wright states in an article,
“Jewish,
Christian, and Muslim teachers have always insisted that lifelong
man-plus-woman marriage is the proper context for sexual intercourse…Paganism
ancient and modern has always found this ethic ridiculous and incredible” (5).
Wright realizes that certain
requirements held by religious institutions have always been seen as illogical
to the rest of the world. Living a
religious lifestyle is difficult enough for individuals who claim the faith, so
it is unreasonable to force those requisites to outsiders. From a religious perspective, a
separation from church and state would protect religious institutions from
becoming tainted with secular thought.
Holy elements can become quickly perverted when religious requirements
and interpretations are implemented into politics, and vice versa.
Sexual
sin is a blatant sin, one that is obvious to religious individuals. However, those same individuals can sit
behind a curtain of greed and pride while seeking to punish any person that
does not abide by their own people-pleasing tactics. The present “traditional” marriage ideology is not rooted
deep in history. Feminists,
scholars, and average citizens view a separation between religion and state as
a genuine opportunity for individuals to make personal choices on marriage,
which will ultimately lead to greater equality for all.